The Bride of the Fortune Teller
by holeyearmuffins
Summary: I found myself being offered up to the Water God as a bride. I would be grateful and chuffed if it wasn't for the small fact that I'm a man. And if that wasn't enough, the Wicked Witch decided to put a curse on me and stole my heart. Literally.


Pitch darkness was all he saw; not the bruising of the dusk sky, or the shifty looks the men surrounding him were giving each other, or the magnificent lake that stretched in front of him. He saw only one solitary color, but felt the wind pick up and the summer air drop infinitesimally with every breath the men around him took. He wondered for the umpteenth time how he got into the middle of this pickle.

Or the edge of a cliff for that matter.

_24 Hours Ago_

Everyone in the village piled into the town square, eyes all glued to the turtle-like man who stood on the podium. Several elders sat behind him, ruffled by the muggy mountain air that swirled around them.

"We have come to a consensus." The turtle man boomed unnecessarily, as it was dead silent in the square. "And although it is quite unfortunate, we have decided who will be the next bride for the Water God. As per routine, I shall remind everyone of our ancestors' story in the hopes that the citizens of this humble village will remember how honorable it is to be chosen.

A thousand years ago, when our ancestors encountered their first drought, they appealed to the Water God for an end to the dry period. They begged for his mercy, saying that they would give him anything he asked for. The Water God agreed but gave one condition. Recently widowed, the Water God yearned for company and requested the villagers to sacrifice a woman every year if they wanted to have an abundant season. And thus, our tradition was born.

The brave soul who will be forever remembered in this humble village and whose name will be engraved in City Hall is..."

Every male huddled closer to their wives and daughters, waiting with bated breath, wondering if their family was going to be torn apart this time.

"Li Syaoran."

Everyone swiveled around and spotted the lone man at the back of the crowd. He towered over the individuals around him, standing at about 6'3'' with ashy brown hair and peculiar eyes. An expression of calm acceptance appeared on his face, as if he knew he was going to be chosen. And it was this calm face that stood out from the crowd's expressions of shock and relief, for no man had ever been chosen to be the _bride_ of the Water God.

"This meeting has been adjourned. Li, come to the docks at sunset."

Like a dandelion on a windy day, Li stood still in the midst of the scurrying crowd. No one stopped by to talk to him or congratulate him, for they knew that the moment you became the bride, you became the sacrificial lamb. Being the chosen one was not an honor.

It was a death sentence.

Right, he remembered now.

A flurry of movement later and his vision returned. Li's eyes immediately darted towards his audience: the mayor and two burly men. One of the men had a brilliant scar running through the middle of his left eyebrow and the other sported a crooked nose. Li observed the three males curiously, watching the two men dot a thick, crimson substance on his clothes and the mayor polishing his gold pocket watch. The tang of copper hung in the air as Scar Face applied a drop of blood onto the pulse point in Li's neck. Finally, something clicked in Li's mind. He started chuckling to himself while his captors exchanged alarmed glances.

"You know, Mr. Mayor." The brown-haired man said, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye. He was always one for dramatics. "Even though you bribed the council into making me this year's scapegoat- since I found out that you were planning to commit treason- I did not know that you were cheating on your wife."

Crooked Nose and Scar Face both looked at the mayor, who paused in the midst of his polishing. He resumed after stating slowly and calmly, "he's lying. Do not listen to a word that con man says."

Li, rising up to the mayor's challenge, smiled. "Oh, but I think you should listen to me. After all, you are... how should I say it... conducting sexual relations with- what is your name again?" He asked, pointing to Scar Face, who sneered at him.

"Willy."

"Damn. Should've pegged you for a Willy." He said in a disappointed tone. "Anyways, as I was saying-"

The mayor, who had been tucking his chin into the collar of his coat, looking more turtle-like than ever, angrily commanded his subordinates with an "ignore him." Much to his dismay, however, Li continued.

"Yes, as I was saying, the mayor of our humble village and Willy's wife are having an affair." He then proceeded to pluck the gold pocket watch out of the influential man's hands and toss it in the air casually. "Great weather, isn't it? Ideal weather for one to die in."

Crooked Nose, gathering his wits together the fastest, asked, "and how can we trust you? Everyone in the village knows that you're a scheming fool with a dead mother and father to show for it."

The summer air chilled at these words, Li's eyes turning steely. He focused his frosty stare on the poor man, flipping open the watch and holding it for everyone to see in the fading sunlight. The man averted his eyes, intimidated and frightened by the oddness of Li's eyes.

"Willy. Since this involves you, sort of, could you please read what it says under the lid?"

Willy did, reciting out loud with minor difficulty, "Lots of love, Gertrude." While the mayor unsuccessfully tried to sink his head down further into the collar of his coat, the words fully registered in Willy's head. "Lots of love, _Gertrude_?" He spat, now turning his beet red face towards the cowering mayor.

In a soothing voice, the mayor said, "this is a misunderstanding! Gertrude is the pet name that I gave my wife. I would never cheat on my wife or sleep with a woman of lower standing."

Li tutted in a 'thought you could do better' tone. "Then why do your clothes reek of medicinal herbs like Willy's wife? If my memory serves me correctly, said woman works in an apothecary, no? And why, Mr. Mayor," he approached the man and tugged his collar down to reveal bruises on his neck, "have you been shamefully hiding your neck in that coat of yours? You must be feeling awfully stuffy in this warm weather."

"My father has recently fallen sick, a- and- and I didn't want to show these marks because my wife would be seen as a harlot!"

Li nodded his head thoughtfully. "Very good, Mr. Mayor. But I would like to point out that the lipstick stain on the inside of your shirt collar does not match your wife's skin tone at all. Actually, I believe that she has not worn any makeup recently due to her dog's death. Oh and Willy?"

The man jumped at the sound of his name, breaking out of his stupor.

"Do be a dear and answer me this: is that the color of Gertrude's lipstick?"

Scar Face fisted the lapels of the mayor's button-down shirt, turning a disturbing shade of puce red. The punch that slammed into the quivering man's face answered Li's question soundly, as Crooked Nose stood in a daze, finally seeing his role model's true colors.

The russet-haired man casually stepped away from the cliff and began to stroll away to freedom, but it was too late. A devastatingly beautiful woman with billowing black robes emerged from the shadow of a cypress tree and approached them in all of her sinister glory.

"The Wicked Witch of Tomoeda." A whisper trembled from behind Li.

The corner of her blood red lips tilted upwards. She extended one pale, slender finger to Li, who suddenly found himself moving against his will. For the third time in his life, Li felt completely helpless and that frightened him like no other.

"It's him, Your Excellency." The mayor called from behind, no longer being pummeled by Scar Face's fists.

When Li was directly in front of her, he suddenly found himself trapped between the Wicked Witch and the cliff. He opened his mouth to say something but found his lips to be uncooperative. Li opted to keep his expression as carefree as possible rather than revealing his real feelings.

Damn was he in the middle of an even bigger pickle.

Avoiding eye contact, Li opted to keep his face downwards and attempted to formulate an escape plan. This was soon cut short, however.

"Look at me."

He complied, not wanting to anger the witch. His gaze rose to meet hers, and nearly shivered at the inhuman coldness in her pitch black eyes.

"It's a shame." She let out silkily, her voice higher than what Li imagined it to sound like. "You are quite the looker. Messy, tousled brown hair, high cheekbones, prominent bone structure. And look at your eyes. What colors would you say they are?"

An invisible pressure relinquished its hold on Li's lips and he was able to talk at last. "People have said that my right is golden tawny and the left is brown."

"How old are you, Mr. Li?"

"Twenty six."

She smiled fully, brushing Li's hair back painfully, nails digging into his scalp with no mercy. Li held his easygoing expression.

"When is your birthday, Li Syaoran?"

Keeping his tone pleasant, he responded, "why would a beautiful lady, like yourself, want to know?"

The Wicked Witch maintained her smile but her hand grabbed a handful of Li's hair and tugged. His expression changed to a startled one from her sudden actions but he expressed no pain.

"When is your birthday, Li Syaoran?" She reiterated in a dangerous tone. Her coal black eyes glittered abnormally in the moonlight.

Once again, without his permission, Li's voice betrayed him and uttered, "July 13."

The moment he said that, Li found his gaze to be captured by the woman's as her smile grew more devilish and frightening. She placed a spidery hand on the left side of his chest and sang.

"Go and catch a falling star,  
>Get with child a mandrake root,<br>Tell me where all past years are,  
>Or who cleft the devil's foot,<br>Teach me to hear mermaids singing,  
>Or to keep off envy's stinging,<br>And find  
>What wind<br>Serves to advance an honest mind.

If thou be'st born to strange sights,  
>Things invisible to see,<br>Ride ten thousand days and nights,  
>Till age snow white hairs on thee,<br>Thou, when thou return'st, wilt tell me,  
>All strange wonders that befell thee,<br>And swear,  
>No where<br>Lives a woman true and fair.

If thou find'st one, let me know,  
>Such a pilgrimage were sweet;<br>Yet do not, I would not go,  
>Though at next door we might meet,<br>Though she were true, when you met her,  
>And last, till you write your letter,<br>Yet she  
>Will be<br>False, ere I come, to two, or three."

Throughout the whole song, Li felt as if he was sinking in a pit of thick molasses. His whole body felt trapped and the pressure became more unbearable to the point where he was not aware of the Witch sinking her hand into his chest and taking his heart out.

"What did you-" Li gasped. In an instant, he collapsed onto the ground. His chest felt frighteningly light. "What did you do? How am I still alive?"

The woman towered over his weakened body, a thumping crimson object in hand and the smile still in place. "Nothing much, dearest. I only stole your heart."

"That much is obvious." Li retorted, struggling to sit up. He noticed, at last, that the mayor, Scar Face, and Crooked Nose had disappeared. "I mean the song. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Observant. Normally my victims are too much in shock to remember my curses." She bent down, placing her face near Li's.

He only felt repulsion burn through him.

"I like you. As a reward for that question, I shall give you a hint."

Li's vision was beginning to blur and an impenetrable darkness crept around the edges. He steeled his consciousness to listen to her last words before he dropped off into oblivion.

"If you manage to fulfill everything in my curse, it will be broken and you shall have you heart back."

"That's it?" He barely mouthed out. The hole he felt in his chest was worse than any hit or gunshot wound he had ever received, but at the same time Li felt nothing.

The woman nodded. "Now, before I get even more attached, off you go!"

And with that, Li's body flew through thin air and hit the water below with a bone shattering splash. In the back of his mind, he wondered for a second if he should start swimming. It didn't seem worth the effort, though. The darkness of the water felt too good and a numbing warmth was eating away at his mind. How wonderful death sounded right now. No worries, no painful memories, no awful humans and lies and secrets to deal with.

And hell seemed to be a nice place with nice weather. He always liked summer.

Li succumbed to the feeling of death's hands on his shoulders, closing his eyes and remaining pliant to wherever death was leading him. But something was off, and this caused his mind to sharpen. Instinctively, Li opened his eyes and the first thing that popped into his mind was that the water was too clear. Too bright. It was as if sunlight was pouring into the lake.

Which was impossible.

Nevertheless, Li looked to his right and saw that an actual hand was clutching onto his collared shirt. His eyes traveled up the hand, then the arm, but before it could land on the person's face, the two of them broke the surface of the lake.

Wheezing for air, Li was dragged by the sleeve of his shirt to the shore by his rescuer. When he felt grass under his fingertips, he laid still on it, wondering how he was still alive and how insane he was to contemplate death.

His rescuer, who Li had yet to see, turned him over without much difficulty and Li's glassy eyes widened.

A female, who was in the process of checking his body for wounds, knelt beside him. She had long, straight auburn hair that brushed the grass and a circular face that gave her a youthful look. Bangs covered her forehead, and her nose and lips were petite. Li willed her to look at him, eager to see what color her eyes were. As if she heard his wish, their gazes locked. Li was stunned by her charcoal gray eyes.

"Are you alright?" Her voice was husky; Li couldn't tell if it was from lack of use or if it was naturally like that. He figured the former, for her skin was so pale it didn't look like she went outside a lot.

Li suddenly felt sizzling hot, feeling the overwhelming need to consume her consume _him._ A rush of blood pooled into his groin and his senses were becoming increasingly sensitive, it was as if he could see the fibers in the strange clothing she wore. His rescuer stood up as gracefully as the water that lapped at the grassy shore, and she beckoned for him to follow. He did so disgustingly obediently. A tiny voice in the back of his mind warned him that she might be a witch.

He didn't give a damn.

Although Li hardly showed any interest in women, often garnering insults from the men in his village regarding his sexual orientation, he was most certainly attracted to this female. And wasn't he supposed to have no heart? How was he feeling this attraction, unless she was bewitching him? He faintly noted that they were heading across a grassy meadow to a strange house, but that thought was thrown out the window when the woman backed up into him. Something snapped within his psyche, causing Li to catch her and instinctively clutch her body to his.

_Mine_, he thought. _All mine._

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